Describe
Your Relationship with Christ.
I was brought up in a Christian
household, with my parents who are still happily married and my two older
brothers, Steven (23), and Patrick (25).
But
my story starts with a nightmare. When I was around the age of 7 we were
learning about the crucifixion in Sunday school; how God sent His son, Jesus,
to die on the cross for the sins of the world. That night I had a horrific
nightmare, I was standing under the cross, and when I lifted my eyes expecting
to see the man who I had learned about in church, I was instead devastated at
what I saw. I saw my own father, hanging there, bleeding profusely from the
nails that were protruding from his hands and feet. You could imagine how I
felt as a young child, thinking that she is witnessing her father dying in
front of her own eyes…. But the dream took a comforting turn, when I was
suddenly running toward a blinding light, brighter then the sun itself. As I got
closer to the light I saw Jesus himself, arms open wide, ready to embrace his
child. Right when His arms wrapped around me, I woke up to my mom cradling me,
drying my lethargic tears. I immediately forced her to call my pop to make sure
that he was indeed living and that what I thought I saw was just a dream. The
following night when I closed my eyes I was greeted by the devil himself. (My
perception of the Devil was a monstrous red dude with a tail and a pitchfork)
He didn’t speak. I just saw his face, which scared me awake and running into my
parent’s room where I abruptly woke my dad and told him what I saw. Seeing how
distressed I was he offered to pray with me, and that is the first time I can
remember asking Jesus into my heart. I had no idea what I was doing; I was just
a terrified little girl and wanted these dreams to stop. I knew and believed
everything I was taught in Sunday school, but in no way was I capable of
understanding what I was actually accepting.
My
middle school through high school years were nothing out of the ordinary, I was
known as the good Christian girl who never did anything wrong and who lived her
life of good deeds. My senior year I wanted to change what people thought of me
because I thought my life was boring. I fell into a rebellious stage, starting
with a mild addiction to piercings, which I did on my own, this lead to
sneaking out and going to high school parties. The first time I ever got drunk
was at the end of my senior year. No one had explained to me the rules of drinking
(beer before liquor never been sicker) so naturally, I drank whatever was
placed in my hand. I started out with mikes hard, then as much drunkenness
continued I downed five shots of whiskey, after that I was done, my friends who
were suppose to be looking out for me brought me to the toilet where I puked my
brains out for an hour, then they put me to bed. I vaguely remember my friends
frequently checking up on me throughout the night. During one check up, one of
my friends stumbled into the room, drunk, and started taking advantage of me, I
was aware of what was happening but I was limp and was in no way able to
function or fight back. I remember freaking out inside but not being able to
voice my fear. Before He could rape me another one of my friends burst into the
room and stopped him. The next thing I remember was waking up the next morning,
hung-over beyond belief. To this day I struggle with forgiving my friend, and I
live with the regret of that night.
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Out
of school my life was consumed by gymnastics, ever since I was a little girl, I
was always the runt. I use to literally kill myself to keep up with my
teammates. It was always a game of competition, one upping everyone, until I
broke my foot right before I was about to advance to level 10. It was
happening... my teammates advancing further, leaving me behind... again. I
hated God, because I thought that if I couldn’t be the best I could be in
gymnastics then I wasn’t good enough. My dad would always say, “Man, Kel you
need to show off your routine like Sam, or you need to be more powerful like
Jenee.” Every time it just ate away at me, pushing me harder, and harder to win
my own approval as well as my father’s. I stayed back another year as a level
9, working harder each day to try and regain my strength and endurance. I was
filled with resentment and anger because I was at a stand still, when again I
broke the same foot. I thought my career was over, because my parents were
getting tired of seeing the doctor every other month. My mom tried to get me to
quit every chance she could. But things turned around when I proved myself at
level 9 Nationals, when I became the first gymnast from our new gym to win the
title of the National Balance Beam Champion. I had finally earned my name. All
the little kids looked up to me and wanted to be like me. But they had no idea
what I was struggling with internally. With all the stress, of gymnastics and
school, my self esteem quickly plummeted. Every time I passed by a mirror I
would stop and turn sideways, disgusted. I tried making myself throw up several
times, but I never had the guts to actually commit, since hacking my drunken
brains out at the party I talked about earlier, scarred me for life.
When
it was time to apply for college my main focus was a BIG school, like the
University of Florida, or NC State, with gymnastics being my main focus, of
course. Liberty University was my backup college and complete last resort.
Letters after letters came, but denial after denial, sent me back into thinking
I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough. It killed me, and I hid my tears behind
the sound of hour showers. I thought it was too late to be scouted by a college
coach, until George Washington University showed interest. Okay, they weren’t
my ideal college or team but I was so desperate for a scholarship I didn’t
care. They scouted me and said we would talk money... but then another denial
letter came in the mail. SAT and ACT scores, FAIL. And there went all my
dreams; everything I worked my whole life to achieve wasn’t going to happen. I
would never be a college gymnast. I wrestled with the fact that my dreams were
slipping through my fingers. I accepted the fact that I was going to attend
Liberty University, in Lynchburg, Virginia and not be NCAA athlete. I had heard
horror stories prior to sending in my application, stories like a curfew, and
room checks, no PDA on campus, and mandatory convocations that every student
was expected to attend and if they didn’t were punished accordingly. This
didn’t seem like a college experience, more like a four-year sentence to a jail
disguised as a University. On top of all of that, both my brothers were
currently studying criminal justice at Liberty, and I didn’t want to follow my
brothers footsteps, I wanted to start anew, make my own name, meet my own
friends, and live a life that wasn’t being watched by my siblings. Two weeks
before school started I still didn’t have roommates. I had been switched into 3
different rooms, until finally landing in a room with two girls, Luci and Erica.
Naturally I Facebook stalked them to get a feel for who these girls might be.
My first impressions of them weren’t the best... Once school started I
discovered that Liberty did have a NAIGC club gymnastics team, which was better
then no gymnastics at all. So I continued to do gymnastics, but not truly
satisfied by the team’s level of expertise or where I currently was college
wise. But as the weeks went on, Liberty started to grow on me. I met so many
people there who were just an inspiration to me spiritually. They opened up to
me and accepted me for who I was. They shared their testimonies with me and
helped me grow stronger as a person and in my faith. The one girl who I owe an
eternity of thanks to is Jodi Jacob. She was truly my light in my own darkness.
This girl put her complete faith in God and emptied out her whole bank account
and gave it to a local charity to backpack through Israel at the age of 20. She
didn’t ask or beg for food or shelter, she prayed for it, and God delivered
her, answering all her prayers and taking care of her on foreign soil, while
she shared the Gospel. She once told me she needed to get a plane ticket so she
could return home, but she didn’t have the money… so she prayed for God to
provide her the money to see her family. Meanwhile, a guy was handed a package
and was told by the man who handed it to him that, “God told me to give you
this and he said you would know what to do.” So the man who received the
package, dumbfounded, prayed for answers of what to do with the package. A
couple days past and he felt called to give the package to a woman, to whom he
repeated the same words he was told from the stranger who he had received the
package from initially. After a couple of days in prayer this woman knew
exactly what to do with it. She saw Jodi and said God told me to give this to
you. Jodi opened the package to find enough money for a plane ticket home and a
meal for that night. This was just one story from her amazing testimony. She
impacted me so much that I wanted to write her a letter explaining what I
didn’t know how to say in words….
“…. I lived my life dead, never
truly appreciating the life I could have when I just looked to Jesus. But after
hearing your testimony, I had so many questions, that I asked you and you answered
but I just didn’t understand any of it. I couldn’t wrap my head around how
people hear God, or how God speaks to them.
So at prayer groups I wrote it on a note card and my prayer leader,
Hannah tried to explain it as best she could, and I understood it a little more
but not completely. So I decided to pray about it, and every time I prayed I
would ask God to open my eyes, and open my ears. Then it hit me. God had been
speaking to me all along, There was a reason that I didn’t get accepted into
those colleges, and their was a reason why I got the roommates I had gotten.
God knew I wouldn’t like Liberty if I had crap roommates. So he placed me with
Erica and Luci after countless room switches. God had been softening my heart
ever since I arrived at Liberty. He showed me that there are actually good guys
in the world. And he showed me what real friends look like, through Logan
actually. (one
of my really great friends at Liberty)
Logan said to me one night, “I’ve never had real friends that would be as awesome
as these people and then at the end of the day go home and continually pray for
me.” That really hit home, and just made me more grateful for being here. But
on the downside of being here, I feel like a horrible Christian, because I have
never read the Bible, I didn’t know any verses anyone was talking about, when
they said, “You guys probably already know this verse...” NOPE, not I. So I
decided to start devotionals, which I had never done before. And that night
where you came up to me and said, “Kels, I just love watching you grow.” made
me break into tears when you closed your door, because I knew that God was
speaking to me through you. I’m just so grateful that God placed me here, and
allowed me to meet you. You have impacted my life so much and I haven’t even
known you for a year. You don’t realize how much you impact someone’s life
until someone tells you about it, and that is the purpose of this letter, to
thank and praise you. I want to be like you. You are strong in your faith, and
you love God with all of your heart no matter who is judging or slandering your
beliefs. You are strong, and God has blessed you.
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Jodi
will forever be apart of my story, because of who she is, and how she loved me
during my time at liberty. Yeah, I said my time at Liberty…. God decided to
throw me a curveball. At the end of my first semester of freshman year, the
head gymnastics coach from a University in Indiana called Ball State, contacted
me and wanted me to transfer so that I could compete on her team. Yup, that’s
right, a D1 school wanted me to compete gymnastics for them! I was so excited,
and confused at the same time. I was struggling because I thought God wanted me
at Liberty… He had opened my eyes and renewed my faith in just a short
semester, and he wanted me to pick up everything, and attend a secular school
to follow a dream that I was once denied? I didn’t get it at all. I prayed
about it and almost instantly a sense of peace overcame me and I knew God was
giving me a second chance at my dream. So I transferred and competed in every
competition as a freshman on the Ball State Gymnastics team. My freshman year
was amazing. I met twice the people normal people do going through their
freshman year and experienced being a regular college student and being a student
athlete. God brought me through many trials and changed my whole perspective of
Liberty University. I love that college, and will always speak highly of it,
because the friends I met there are apart of who I am. I miss them every single
day, and even so much that I make a 14-hour trip to go visit occasionally. It’s
like I never left. That is friendship. But towards the whole transfer to Ball
State, I struggled with being in such a dry area. I loved my team, and it’s
like I had known them my whole life, but at the same time I was lacking my
brothers and sisters in Christ that I had grown to know and Love at Liberty.
And it was sophomore year when I started to think I made the wrong decision to
switch schools. Sophomore year was probably the worst and longest year of my
life for many of the following reasons: Instead of making line up every single
competition, I was sitting out, only able to cheer on my team. I felt like my
coach just used me freshman year, then when she didn’t need me anymore she benched
me. I didn’t feel good enough anymore, and I wanted to go back to Liberty so
bad. My boyfriend at the time and I decided to mutually break up, because we
were in two different places in our lives, and we were battling long distance.
I wasn’t on a scholarship so I was paying out of state tuition on top of the
fees for being a college athlete, and I had forgotten to sign up for a class
that was only offered in the fall, which would turn my four year program into a
five year program which my parents couldn’t afford. I fell into a depression
that took months to come out of. I was dealing with a broken heart, feelings of
failure with gymnastics, spiritual dryness, homesickness, and the guilt with
financial problems. Instead of being social and hanging out with my friends I
removed myself because I didn’t want anyone to see my pain or ask me what was
wrong, because I would have just burst into tears. My days consisted of going
to practice, class, practice, then going to sleep at 6 pm and not waking up
until the next morning. My roommate forced me to wake up and go to our Bible
study that we attended every Monday. But even going to that Bible study didn’t
help me get out of my funk. In the midst of everything I started reading The
Purpose Driven Life, and it made me realize that no matter what I’m dealing
with God will always be there and he will never leave my side. He will always
pick me up when I fall and he will forgive me know matter how much I deny Him
and run back to Him. Once I came to the realization that I was never alone,
everything started turning around. I met with the president of my major to try
and get myself waivered into a class despite my mistake and turns out that he
was actually a college gymnast in his prime, so we had a lot of talk about and at
the end of our conversation he allowed me to get into the class and get back on
my four year track. My relationship between my ex and I turned into a best
friend kind of relationship, in which his friendship is truly valued and
admired. And my parents were able to encourage me through the rest of the
semester. At the end of the semester I was introduced to the Ultimate Training
Camp by two of our track athletes. UTC was amazing, but halfway through the
camp I suffered a concussion that discontinued my efforts. It was a trial that
strangely mirrored my struggle sophomore year as an athlete. I was forced to
sit out, not being able to help my team as they took on the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. just
like I had to sit out the whole gymnastics year. God was showing my life to me
in hindsight everything was clear. And even though I wasn’t able to see my
shadow on the run up Golgotha, I finally understood, seeing everyone conquer
that mountain, brought me to tears and embracing my teammate as we both cried
because we were overwhelmed with the spirit and power of God changed me for
life. My whole existence I have thought lowly of myself. UTC reminded me that I
am adequate, I am worthy, and I don’t have to rely on anyone BUT God, because
he is my savior and redeemer. I learned that there is life aside from
gymnastics, and sport. I am a new athlete, competing for the audience of one.
And loving God for bringing me through every single trial and every single
relationship, because they have brought me to the place, and helped mold me into
who I am today.
I
am Kelly Barock, and I am a Light in the world.
“Love,
is the world’s greatest witness.”
How
Important Has God Been to Your Success As An Athlete?
- God is the reason I am an athlete. He
has blessed me with the abilities and talents I need to share God through my
sport. He has shown me that he can take away just as easily as he gives. And
that has made me thankful and grateful for every single opportunity I have as
an athlete an as a Christ follower.
Do
You Have Any Favorite Bible Verses?
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future."
- This verse is my life verse and it is applicable to
everything that I am. I've had to give my life to God and to trust that He will
take care of me. Which He has, and still is.
What Is Your Opinion on God Using Ordinary People?
- I think it's amazing that God uses just "ordinary people" to impact the earth because with each "ordinary" story He reveals some sort of truth about Himself to us. Each trail and experience that we have is just His play book to impact a mere listener or bystander to His grace and glory. I also don't think the word ordinary captures who He is indeed using. He uses ALL of us, I don't think He picks certain people, everyone impact each other in some way or another. So in my experience not a single human being with a captivating story to tell is ordinary but extraordinary.
What
Are Your Ambitions For the Future?
- I hope to continue as a gymnastics coach
working and sharing my passion for the sport with others who share my similar
passions. But honestly, throughout my whole experience with what I want... it
doesn't matter so much what I want, because God has control over my life, and I
am but a humble servant who is willing to go and do whatever He calls me to do
wherever He calls me.
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